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authorbrian m. carlson <sandals@crustytoothpaste.net>2011-01-07 17:18:36 +0000
committerbrian m. carlson <sandals@crustytoothpaste.net>2011-01-07 17:18:36 +0000
commit14e006083d646e3d47826d95e08b6b7677009811 (patch)
treecbc1b93e215f94d166e81fb19c5837f384960dde /aoif
parente55fe8e9a33a48839a4bc2269d42476d53c243ae (diff)
wonderer: more extensive revisions.
Signed-off-by: brian m. carlson <sandals@crustytoothpaste.net>
Diffstat (limited to 'aoif')
-rw-r--r--aoif/wonderer.dbx10
1 files changed, 5 insertions, 5 deletions
diff --git a/aoif/wonderer.dbx b/aoif/wonderer.dbx
index c73753c..3de11e1 100644
--- a/aoif/wonderer.dbx
+++ b/aoif/wonderer.dbx
@@ -9,15 +9,15 @@
dead brown grasses crunch beneath footsteps;
he walks down to the bayou
-that always has too much or not enough
-it wends its way through forbidding concrete walls
+that always has too much or not enough,
+wends its way through forbidding concrete walls
painted pale blues, stark whites
by people claiming ownership here.
-He walks to the edge, sees water darting over stones,
+He walks to the edge, sees water dart over stones,
the light's speckled splendor glancing off them;
-dips his hand in, feels stones worn smooth
-by years of dancing droplets, water's coolness:
+dips his hand in, feels smoothness
+from years of cool dancing droplets:
a reprieve from the warmth of the sun.
Pulling off his beat-up Converse, he walks barefoot